Write about something that is difficult for you to talk about.

            I have heard three different generalizations of fear. First, all fear is just fear of death. Second, there is rational and irrational fear. Third, fears boil down to not having enough or not being enough. The last one might not be true about arachnophobia or coulrophobia, but the fears that decide the little things in life—whether to buy that movie or say hi to this person—are usually run by one of those two fears.

            My greatest fear is of not being enough. I spent my first year of college being a pre-music major because I wasn’t talented enough to get into the music program. When I switched my major to English, I realized how much of a masochist I must be because reading isn’t something that is very easy for me. I have never been formally diagnosed with dyslexia, but I have been told I’m probably dyslexic. My ACT Reading score was 19 (though my English score was 26) and my SAT Verbal/Critical Reading score was 420 (Writing was 520). I did survive as an English major though. I graduated college with a 3.45 cumulative GPA.

            Obviously, I’m writing and I’ve read a lot. The thing that is hard for me to talk about is mostly the music. I auditioned as a music major before I had private lessons on my main instrument. I was a product of public education. I just wasn’t prepared for all of the demands of being a music major. Music majors are supposed to practice their main instrument two hours a day. Then there is the secondary instruments, school work, and ear training. What was so hard about changing my major was that I felt like I just hadn’t tried hard enough. Honestly, I could have spent more time in the practice room. But I didn’t, so I obviously didn’t have the same passion for it as the other students did.
            I still do music, a fair amount of it actually, but not as much as I could. I can count on one hand the number of times I have taken out my clarinet and practiced it since becoming an English major. I could probably lead, or at least accompany, worship, but they people probably wouldn’t be able to hear me. And I feel like I’m not as good as those who do. I know worship isn’t about talent, but if I let my lack of talent stand in the way, I obviously don’t have the heart someone who leads worship should have.
            This is probably true about every major: there are those who don’t have to put effort into what they do and still do it well. They have a gift in music, dates, painting, writing, whatever. If you are one of those people, put work into what you do because you could be so much better than you already are. Life isn’t about just skating through things. Life is worth so much more than just something to get though.