Sometimes

Sometimes things don’t make sense.

You see the world one way, then you find out you’ve only been seeing a small corner of it.

When we’re little, we think the whole world revolves around us. Anyone talking is talking to us. Other’s emotions aren’t as big as ours. Maybe we even thought that the people in the TV were just there for us—a private show for our entertainment.

But then we grow up. We find out that there is so much more than the neighborhood or country that we live in. There is even more than the earth, than the Milky Way. There is infinity all around us.

At that point, we learn that we are small. We are finite. There is a beginning and an eventual end to our lives. And we feel truly alone for the first time.

Everyone has shared similar experiences and feelings of the first time they feared death. Yet, once again, we feel like it is only us. We feel alone and it is once again all about us.

And the battle begins to rage inside us. There are so many people out there that we could help. They need someone to help them. But what would helping them cost us? Not just the monetary cost, or even the momentary cost. The cost of our comfort. The cost that our lives will change, whether we want it or not. The fear that if we truly cared for and loved those outside of us we might get hurt. They might abandon us. They might not love us in return. We might fail them.

And it hurts.

Is the cost worth it? Can they be trusted with the little piece of us we give them?

You want to wait for them to give a piece of themselves first. But the truth is, someone has to take the chance first. One of you will have to take the risk of being hurt first. If not, nothing can happen.

Love—like faith—is a risk. Life is a risk. You can huddle around the edges, curl into yourself. Or you can get hurt. You can be numb. Or you can feel excruciating pain.

And excoriating joy. Joy so uncontained it penetrates every area of your life. Joy so free and wild that you cannot contain it and it spreads like wildfire to everyone you meet. And like wildfire, it burns and destroys you. And lets new life sprout up in you. It kills all the dead things you have been clinging to as if they were your life.

And the pain comes back. You think you have died.

But you didn’t.

You lived. You survived. You were reborn.

Sometimes the pain is worth it. all.