Why is it not the same?

            So, I bought a really fun pair of yellow and white striped shoes from Target about a week ago ($4! I think they’re technically kid’s shoes, but they fit.). I was taking a walk the other day in them because sometimes a girl just needs to take a walk to clear her head (I’m really hoping and looking forward to taking a walk later today—hopefully it’ll be cool and not rain too hard!). (Wow, tangent much?)

            Anyway, I was thinking about how I love these shoes—they’re my happy, sunny shoes! But I wish I still had or would buy a pair of red shoes again. There’s just something empowering about red. Wearing red shoes is kind of like wearing pretty or sexy underwear: it just makes a girl feel good and powerful. So, why does bright yellow shoes make me feel happy but not powerful? Does it have to do with sexiness?

            And that was hard for me to take. I love being a virgin (FYI, in case you didn’t get the memo, I like being awkward. I like toeing the line of being politically correct, especially as a Christian)! I hope that I continue to be a virgin until my wedding night, then I’m really looking forward to having hot, awkward, loving sex with the man I will love for the rest of my life! And it’s not because I’m afraid God will disapprove of me or hate me if I slip up before I’m married (God knows that I have done plenty of other stupid, hurtful things. And He still loves me! He loves me so much that He doesn’t want me to continue hurting myself with sin. And you know what? He loves you too! More than our little heads can comprehend). And it isn’t that I’m concerned that my future husband will be mad or upset if I give my virginity to someone else. No, my choice in saving myself for marriage is for my protection. I know that I want to experience that incredible action for someone who I love and who loves me—a love so permanent it will last the rest of our lives. And someone who I know well enough that whatever mishaps or awkwardness or discomfort there is, we will overcome it and be comfortable enough with each other to tell each other the truth. I want my first time to be with someone who always has and always will protect and love me. (and when I say always, it won’t be every second of every day. We will fight. We will have difficult times to go through. We will disagree and fall short of expectations. But at the end of every day, we will love each other. We will figure things out. We will turn to God and ask for guidance, forgiveness, courage. We will never go to bed angry or blaming.)

            (Okay, another tangent: Did you know the Bible says, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.”? Yeah, 1 Corinthians 6:12. So that sin you’ve been justifying, it’s permissible, but you better believe it’s not helping you. A friend of mine basically compared it to food (which verse 13 kind of does too). You can eat whatever you want—you can eat a hamburger that’s been sitting in a parking lot or even rocks and glass—but not everything is going to help you. Some of it is going to hurt you later on, even poison you. When I swallowed the pill that everything is lawful, every sin I committed kind of came back up with that pill. I was uncomfortable with the thought that “Yeah, it’s okay.” I don’t want those things in my life anymore. And it is a real struggle to let them go and forget about them. And the hardest part is, I know God can free me from everything I have let master me—I’ve seen Him do it! But I haven’t let myself completely surrender those things to Him yet. Writing this all down will help me. I hope it helps you too. But what I really need, is just a good long soak with God where I cry and surrender it all to Him, and He washes me clean.)

            So, going back to the shoes and sexiness. I realized that I kind of do buy into the feminist thought that sex empowers women. And I’m not okay with that. Yeah, sex is great—in the right relationship. And it isn’t healthy (in any sense) to sleep around, especially for women. Sex forms bonds and those shouldn’t be formed just to be broken. Sex isn’t just physical, never is it just physical. And I was thinking about what culture says about sex. I haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey, but I get the premise. Would that girl feel as good about herself if the guy hadn’t ended up falling in love with her? If things had worked out as he originally planned with weird sex that she just submits to, that’s an abusive relationship. (I really want to start talking about abusive relationships not being celebrated by the culture. There are girls being trafficked for sex, and there are best selling novels celebrating submissive relationships because it’s all fine in the end—he “loved” her. Why didn’t she have the guts to demand that in the first place?! Women deserve to be loved and appreciated and respected. And women need to know that they can and should demand those things, especially from the man she’s sleeping with.).

            Sex is powerful, but it is only empowering when it is done in love. Maybe I’m wrong, but isn’t the empowering thing about sex for women that this man is trembling for her? That he is surrendering for her? That he is appreciating her body? That he finds her amazing? Isn’t sex empowering because it is a sign of surrendering, passionate, intoxicating love? If I’m wrong and it’s not about those things, I don’t want any part of. Mere physical pleasure is nothing compared to having that love.

Beauty Day 5

So, as I’m sure you’ve started to notice, my style is a bit more conservative than some people’s. I’m probably one of the few women who likes skinny jeans, but likes wearing them mostly how some people like wearing leggings. I like dresses, but I like not having to worry about whether or not I’m being decent in them (if I feel like it, I’m going to sit cross-legged or whatever).

 

So, tips for today’s blog:

 

   1.      Thrift stores have some pretty nice jeans for reasonable prices.

I bought these jeans at Arc Thrift Store a few months ago for $7. I went to what is my size (as close as they make jeans anyway), and immediately looked for darker washes because most people agree dark washes look more formal. I tried on 3-5 pairs and bought two of them. Like all stores, you have to expect you’ll be trying on a lot of jeans. At thrift stores you have to check the clothes for holes, stains, snags, etc. There is a light spot under one of the knees, but it’s not too noticeable.

Umm, I just decided to google the brand of jeans (these are J Brand)… they usually go for at least $100 new! I feel really impressive right now!

2.      Thrift stores can be a bit hit or miss for dresses, but it never hurts to look.

I bought this dress a few years ago at an Arc Thrift Store. To be honest, it’s a bit big, but it ties in the back so it looks like the perfect size.

3.      Look at sale sections or coupons for shoes.

 I bought these shoes probably a year ago at Pay Less with a coupon. Honestly, it might have still been more than I wanted to pay (meaning, I bought them for about $12), but it was a good deal. I have a pair or dark brown “no show” socks… I figured the bit of contract with the shoes wouldn’t hurt since they matched.

4.      Kohl’s has pretty good jewelry for cheap.

I bought these earrings with two other pairs (as a packaged deal) several years ago, but I think Kohl’s might still sell them. They’re simple but interesting.

I’m glad to be a woman!

            So, recently I was part of a performance that celebrate being a woman and getting out of our comfort zones (I know I was definitely out of mine!), and I realized it has been a while since I celebrated my womanhood. So you know what? I’m saying it loud and proud for the whole world: I AM GLAD TO BE A WOMAN!
            When I was little, “women” sounded so… sexual? I much rather would have said “lady”. I’m not sure why I thought that, but to be completely honest some of it still lingers. Not that I see “woman” as being sexual, but that it is hard to see myself as being a woman when I’m not sure what I’ve done to earn that position other than being 24. Do you know what I mean? For men, the in between age is “guy”; girls don’t have that. Plus, boys become men when they can fend for themselves (physically, financially, etc.). But what do girls do to become women? I’ve lived on my own, yet I don’t feel like a “woman” that often…
            Anyway, I am glad to be part of the female gender. I can lead and follow several forms of social dancing, and I can say I love following—being lead (by a good leader) on how to move to someone’s interpretation of music. I love having hips—especially ones that move for dancing and sometimes for walking. I look forward to a day when a man pursues me and shows me I’m loved.
            One thing I don’t like about being a woman: people thinking I’m weak or fragile. You open a door for me, I’ll usually appreciate it. You ask me twice if I’m okay when you accidentally lightly bump into me, I’m getting annoyed. I am not made of glass and if you saw some of the things I’ve done (West African Dancing, for instance), you would know it. I can carry my own— ask if I want help carrying a table, fine; take over me carrying a table, why don’t you just help with the next one. Don’t give me lighter tasks just because I’m a girl (unless it is something truly heavy).
            One of my friends got on her soapbox about spiritual warfare and I agree. We kind of ignore that we’re in a war with Satan. I kind of want to start a girls’ group that is focusing on spiritual warfare and what we as women get to do with it. Women have at least been nurses, but I feel like when it comes to church it seems like we’ve been told a lot lately to go look pretty or support our husbands (for those who have one). I want to go out and minister to those wounded or stir up those who are in or going into battle. I confront the enemy every day, whether or not I know it—why am I not arming myself more for it? I want to be so much more than a pretty shelf decoration. I am a weapon!
            Don’t get me wrong, I want so badly to get married (but will wait for the right guy. If you see him, tell him to hurry up). But I am going to be so much more than just a woman who makes him dinner and bares his children. I am going to be a real support. I am going to care and know about the things he does, his career, passions, hobbies, etc. I am going to give him suggestions and tell him the honest truth (lovingly, of course). People may not be able to see it from the outside (though, with my current plan to become an author, they will know I am pursuing my career as well), but I am going to be a huge support (my husband will lean on and respect me).
            Also, a bit of a side note, I have been itching to write a super strong female character. The one for the book I’m currently writing is a bit flimsy. She’s slowly shaping up, getting her confidence, but I have a plan for a character that is going to be super BA. I’m going to love writing her! Literature needs more women who are confident and still feminine.

Beauty Day 4

I know the pictures aren’t the best, but you will have to believe me that it did turn out okay.

So, this is how I was taught to make green eyes pop, use purple colors. Opposites make each other standout, and green and purple (while not direct opposites) form a complimentary contrast.

    1.      I do mascara first. I know this is “wrong”, but I always get it on my eyelids. So I put it on, then use a Q-tip to remove the smudges.

    2.      Bass color—here I used a steel glittery color. The flash on the camera made it look super glittery…

    3.      Crease Color—here I used a plum color. In real life this color also had some glitter, which the flash didn’t show…

    4.      Eyeliner—again, I used a purple. I only did this on top because for me purple eyeliner on the bottom would have been too much.

As you can see from the last photo, the eyes aren’t too overwhelmed with makeup when open but are still dynamic. Sometimes when I do purple eye shadow I feel like my eye is going to end up looking like it’s been punched. A solution to that would be to do lighter shades of purple or only near the lash line. It’s just something you have to test out for yourself.

Beauty Day 3

So, 3 points to this outfit:

     1.      Shirt: I’ve decided I tend to be drawn to solid colored or plain shirts because they are staples. This shirt is a hand-me-down (the tags been cut out, and it’s several years old), but it still has decent color and shape.

     2.      Under shirt: People often complain about camisoles getting bulky or whatever. And some people’ve started using lacy bra type things. Cheep alternative? Plain sports bras. They’re super nice in the summer (with non-transparent shirts) because they hide cleavage but don’t add a layer elsewhere. Plus they are sometimes colorful.

     3.      Necklace: This is another one from my grandma. I need to wash it, but it is pretty similar to some necklaces that are now “in”

So, what I was saying about staple: It’s easy to get an inexpensive shirt, skirt, or jeans and in different seasons or years change the accessories. Shoes are something that tend not to last for much longer than a year (I wear mine so thin) but can add a lot to an outfit.

Beauty Day 2

So, I like things that are a bit quirky, so obviously I went for tennis shoes that had lace! I bought these a few years back at Wal-Mart or Target. As you can see, they are No Boundaries. It is easy and really fun to have shoes that have a little detail—a bow, zipper, lace, color, etc.

I meant to wash the shoes before taking the picture, but it’s been a busy day. Hope you don’t mind a bit of dirt. I promise these will get better. My life’s just been one thing after another right now… Also, I wanted to mention that I love when shoes have writing on them. One day I’ll probably write or draw on the toes of these shoes, I just haven’t decided what yet.
Hope ya’ll are having a good July! Stay cool.

Beauty Day 1

So, not the best start for me. I found out today that I have no idea how to curl my hair… So instead I thought I’d go for makeup. The best way to do a bold lip is to put the focus on the lip and making the rest of the makeup more subtle. I used a limited edition MaryKay lipstick (compassion) and lip gloss (Attitude) (both from a couple of years ago…). The eye makeup are current MaryKay colors; I used Ultimate Mascara and Apricot Twist Cream Eye Color.

I also wanted to point out that fashion doesn’t have to be expensive. Not that I’m being super stylish, but for hand-me-downs it’s not too bad. The shirt is a hand me down from my sister and the necklace is actually something my grandma had. Everything eventually comes more-or-less back into style. Thrift stores and relatives are pretty good resources.