This blog is to share ideas and for me to write short stories. Enjoy!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Why is it not the same?

            So, I bought a really fun pair of yellow and white striped shoes from Target about a week ago ($4! I think they’re technically kid’s shoes, but they fit.). I was taking a walk the other day in them because sometimes a girl just needs to take a walk to clear her head (I’m really hoping and looking forward to taking a walk later today—hopefully it’ll be cool and not rain too hard!). (Wow, tangent much?)

            Anyway, I was thinking about how I love these shoes—they’re my happy, sunny shoes! But I wish I still had or would buy a pair of red shoes again. There’s just something empowering about red. Wearing red shoes is kind of like wearing pretty or sexy underwear: it just makes a girl feel good and powerful. So, why does bright yellow shoes make me feel happy but not powerful? Does it have to do with sexiness?

            And that was hard for me to take. I love being a virgin (FYI, in case you didn’t get the memo, I like being awkward. I like toeing the line of being politically correct, especially as a Christian)! I hope that I continue to be a virgin until my wedding night, then I’m really looking forward to having hot, awkward, loving sex with the man I will love for the rest of my life! And it’s not because I’m afraid God will disapprove of me or hate me if I slip up before I’m married (God knows that I have done plenty of other stupid, hurtful things. And He still loves me! He loves me so much that He doesn’t want me to continue hurting myself with sin. And you know what? He loves you too! More than our little heads can comprehend). And it isn’t that I’m concerned that my future husband will be mad or upset if I give my virginity to someone else. No, my choice in saving myself for marriage is for my protection. I know that I want to experience that incredible action for someone who I love and who loves me—a love so permanent it will last the rest of our lives. And someone who I know well enough that whatever mishaps or awkwardness or discomfort there is, we will overcome it and be comfortable enough with each other to tell each other the truth. I want my first time to be with someone who always has and always will protect and love me. (and when I say always, it won’t be every second of every day. We will fight. We will have difficult times to go through. We will disagree and fall short of expectations. But at the end of every day, we will love each other. We will figure things out. We will turn to God and ask for guidance, forgiveness, courage. We will never go to bed angry or blaming.)

            (Okay, another tangent: Did you know the Bible says, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.”? Yeah, 1 Corinthians 6:12. So that sin you’ve been justifying, it’s permissible, but you better believe it’s not helping you. A friend of mine basically compared it to food (which verse 13 kind of does too). You can eat whatever you want—you can eat a hamburger that’s been sitting in a parking lot or even rocks and glass—but not everything is going to help you. Some of it is going to hurt you later on, even poison you. When I swallowed the pill that everything is lawful, every sin I committed kind of came back up with that pill. I was uncomfortable with the thought that “Yeah, it’s okay.” I don’t want those things in my life anymore. And it is a real struggle to let them go and forget about them. And the hardest part is, I know God can free me from everything I have let master me—I’ve seen Him do it! But I haven’t let myself completely surrender those things to Him yet. Writing this all down will help me. I hope it helps you too. But what I really need, is just a good long soak with God where I cry and surrender it all to Him, and He washes me clean.)

            So, going back to the shoes and sexiness. I realized that I kind of do buy into the feminist thought that sex empowers women. And I’m not okay with that. Yeah, sex is great—in the right relationship. And it isn’t healthy (in any sense) to sleep around, especially for women. Sex forms bonds and those shouldn’t be formed just to be broken. Sex isn’t just physical, never is it just physical. And I was thinking about what culture says about sex. I haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey, but I get the premise. Would that girl feel as good about herself if the guy hadn’t ended up falling in love with her? If things had worked out as he originally planned with weird sex that she just submits to, that’s an abusive relationship. (I really want to start talking about abusive relationships not being celebrated by the culture. There are girls being trafficked for sex, and there are best selling novels celebrating submissive relationships because it’s all fine in the end—he “loved” her. Why didn’t she have the guts to demand that in the first place?! Women deserve to be loved and appreciated and respected. And women need to know that they can and should demand those things, especially from the man she’s sleeping with.).

            Sex is powerful, but it is only empowering when it is done in love. Maybe I’m wrong, but isn’t the empowering thing about sex for women that this man is trembling for her? That he is surrendering for her? That he is appreciating her body? That he finds her amazing? Isn’t sex empowering because it is a sign of surrendering, passionate, intoxicating love? If I’m wrong and it’s not about those things, I don’t want any part of. Mere physical pleasure is nothing compared to having that love.

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