Dreams

I love those movies and books that are based on a list but somehow end up being super inspiring. Carpe Diem, grab life and make things happen. I’ve even made list of my own a couple of times. And I’ll find them years later and it kind of is depressing…

1.      Ride a roller coaster. –Check. Finally did that two years ago.
2.      Go on a date. –Ahh, nope.
3.      Get a tattoo. –Yay, another one I can check off!
4.      Get in shape. –Maybe at one point, but I’m currently the heaviest I’ve ever been (and hating it)…
5.      Do Karaoke. –No. And I’ve been feeling super pitchy lately when I sing.

So… Those always went well for me. Dream big for a month of two, feel like I can take on the world! And  then life takes over. It’s not that reality hits. None of my dreams (aside from being an author) have been terribly big. They’ve all been fairly realistic. But I just can’t seem to decide they are worth whatever risk they require…

Somewhere along the way I’ve become a 25 year old spinster—and being 25 shouldn’t feel this old! There’s still plenty of time in my life to become almost anything. There’s nothing tying me down. Yet, I feel completely stuck.

Where do I go now? Write a new list and hope this one sticks? I can’t even think of what I feel like putting on it. I know what I want in life, but none of it feels appropriate for a “to do list”. I would want it to be fun and exciting. I want it to be me dreaming big. Yet I want it to be something I can do in a year. I need something to make this next year worth it. That takes “find love” or “get published” off the list. And reading all of Jane Austen’s novels, while awesome, isn’t exactly exciting.

I guess it doesn’t matter how I feel right now. If I don’t change my mood, who will? If I have something to look forward to, that’s all I need. Just one step at a time. One step forward at a time will take me any place I want to go. So here’s my new list of things to do from this day to the end of 2014:

1.      Fall in love—I don’t care if it’s falling in love with an amazing guy or falling in love with my life, I deserve to be in love! And my life does deserve more appreciation.
2.      Send a letter to a random address—I for some reason love the mystery and wondering. Nothing will probably come of it, but you never know.
3.      Take a photo ever day for a year—to prove that every day is something new and a gift.
4.      Feel breathe takingly _________ --beautiful, hot, weird, whatever. It’s time I appreciate my body and be okay with getting attention.
5.      Leave a note in a library book—share the love of a book.
6.      Drive to a secluded place during a snow storm and turn my brights on—Simple, but beautiful.
7.      Do Karaoke by myself in public—whether I sound great of terrible, I need to just accept it.