The squirrel

So this story is very short and incomplete (and probably odd). It's a free writing blog, get over it.

 Climbing up a tree, Sammy the squirrel could hear the dog barking after him. The dog had chased him across the yard where Sammy had been sniffing around for food. All he'd found were empty wrappers though.
Sammy stopped. It was partly because he was out of reach of the dog, but mostly because he got distracted by something shiny. Aproaching the glittering object, Sammy realized that it a plastic costume ring little girls like to play with.
Sammy took the ring and looked around for the little girl who might have lost it. Not seeing any girls playing outside, he climbed higher in the tree. He still couldn't see any girls playing outside, but he did see that one of the houses had a babydoll in a stroller outside. A bird must have taken the ring from that house and dropped it while flying over the tree.
Sammy jumped from tree to tree until he was at the house with the doll and stroller. He dropped

Four days till Christmas

 It feels less like Christmas time if I just stay home. But it's begun snowing, which makes me very happy.
That reminds me, I don't think I've ever written about why I love snow so much. Let me start by saying, I don't think the same way a lot of people do (in case you haven't noticed). My grandma died some years ago around Christmas, and that is probably my most memorable Christmas. Not my best Christmas, but it wasn't as bad as you might expect. It was full of family and a few small miracles.
She had told my grandpa that she was going to get everyone home for Christmas, and most of the family did stay around for Christmas day. She had loved snow. As soon as everyone had made it safely to the town, a light snow began. My grandpa said she was cleaning up the world. And that's my favorite way of looking at snow. It covers everything in peace and beauty. Snow is the most beautiful weather to me (though I do hate driving in it!).
So Christmas is a special time to me. I want to share my love for the season with everyone. I want everyone to feel the true meaning of Christmas. It is the vest time of the year.

Five days till Christmas

 You're starting the day right when you are able to donate a large haul of cans to the food bank (Caroling for cans is amazing!), get coffee from Starbucks (paid for by a gift card), and are able to give the remainder of a $50 gift card to someone else because it expires at the end of the day & you won't use it (okay, for the sake of wanting to be transparent, I'll admit the it was a Secrets Rewards cards, so I helped another woman buy a bra basically...). And that was all before 9:30am.
Now I get to enjoy some time writing in a fairly quiet house in front of a fireplace (Have I ever talked about how much I love fire places?)
Christmas is the best time of the year. It's all about joy, love, and giving. People may complain that it's gone commercial, but it's really not that hard to ignore that. If the commercials are bothering you, turn off the TV and read a book or play a game with your family. Don't like the rush of shopping, make a gift or shop at odd times.
Okay, I'll admit, there's lots of cleaning, decorating, and planning to do, but it isn't supposed to be stressful. Blare that Christmas music you love (or whatever you want to listen to, movies work too) as you clean, and why not sing at the top of your lungs? Sometimes I even dance (and since nobody can see me while I do it, I have no shame).
Really, whatever brake you need for or from the season, take it. Do what you need to do to feel joyful and spread that joy!

Mine

            I was listening to the radio yesterday and “Wanted” by Hunter Hays came on. I’ve heard it plenty of times, but suddenly the line “I want to call you mine” stood out to me. It’s probably not the first time that has happened. You see, there was something that made me realize how nice it would be to be able to call somebody mine and to be his. And last night was the first time I’ve heard that song since knowing that that particular relationship isn’t going to work out.
            And I realized that as much as I would like to say I’ll do better next time or I’ll be better at showing my feelings, I’m not sure I honestly could. There was a time when I said too much, and that is still probably the biggest regret of my life. People always say it’s the things you don’t say or do that you regret the most, and a lot of times this is true. But there are definitely times when you can say or do too much. If it makes you seem in anyway stalker-ish, safest bet is not to do it. I’m still figuring out what the right amount to say and how to say it is.
            Actually, I’m feeling okay about this not having worked out. Sure I could have done more, but I did do some things to give hints about how I felt. He didn’t see them or didn’t want to see them. We’re friends and that’s probably what I need most right now anyway.

            And on a somewhat related note, being single during the holidays isn’t the scariest thing ever! Trust me, I’ve spent 25 years of holidays single. Another thing I’ve realized this year is that I’d rather be happy being single over the holidays than fretting over whether this relationship is working out or looking for a guy to fill an emptiness. There is no emptiness in singles’ hearts over the holiday seasons. It’s a myth. There is way too much love from God, family, friends, and even strangers this time of year to feel alone. Go out and really celebrate the season with family and friends! And if you still feel like there’s emptiness, it’s not a boyfriend or girlfriend that you need. Never expect another human to be able to fill your every need because you can’t fill their every need either! Don’t put that kind of pressure on people or yourself. Just enjoy the company you do have.

It isn’t going to be easy

            Can I be honest? I have never let Christmas be a hard time of year for me. I have always tried to make it the best season for everyone. I go caroling, participate in a concert or production, play carols, etc. I have been preparing for Christmas for months already. Learning music, doing Operation Christmas Child, making presents, etc.

            Then December hit. I started watching the Christmas movies, and even though there is more cheese in them than in Wisconsin, they made me want to cry. Is it a sign of aging that everything makes you want to cry? But the silly Christmas movies made me realize I never really let myself mourn for my grandma who died the week of Christmas nine years ago. I have always thought that I’ll honor her by making it the best season because that is honestly something she would like. She’s the reason I love snow so much.

            But I’ve started wearing myself really thin. I’m all ready for Christmas, so there’s nothing to preoccupy myself with. Well, there’s the book to write, but writing isn’t so much of an escape from reality as a plunge into it. There’s books to read and music to practice too, but I’m tired of trying to avoid it. For once, I wish that there was someone who wanted to make my Christmas the best ever. I don’t even know what that would look like. It wouldn’t be a gift. It wouldn’t be like the cheesy movies. I don’t know. Someone does though. And one day I’ll have it. One day I’ll have a Christmas that I will never forget because of how amazing it was.

            Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas. I love helping others and spreading cheer. Maybe I just need to take a break from trying to do it all. Sit back and enjoy the season.