Transformation

            I’ve been reading Spinning Straw into Gold: What Fairy Tales Reveal about the Transformations in a Woman’s Life. I find that sort of thing fascinating. I’ve always loved fairy tales, even while I still hated reading. Maybe it was the pretty pictures or how magical they were or just that they were short. Anyway, I think it’s a fascinating book.

            So, I’m reading a chapter on Cinderella and Gould talks about outward appearance changing being a reflection of an inward transformation: “In real life as well as in stories, any radical change in body weight, dress shoes, hair style or length…is an outer signal that transformation is underway. If a career woman with short hair lets her hair grow long or dyes it another color, keep a sharp lookout for the romantic development that’s sure to follow.”

            Yeah, that’s true…

            And I’m realizing my appearance has taken a turn. Last year I quit being a beauty consultant for Mary Kay, but I continued wearing makeup, until NaNoWriMo happened… And I donated my hair to locks of love, which I do a lot (this was my sixth time). And because of my job and how busy I feel, I stopped wearing jewelry.

            Oh my goodness, I feel like I’ve given up hope of finding a guy?!

I can go back to Mary Kay at any time. I was recently invited back, and I thought about it. It’d be nice to look nice again, but then I’d have to shave my legs more often so I can wear skirts and going to bed would require taking off makeup (mascara is kind of a pain for me), etc. I opted not to.

            I have always liked donating my hair to locks of love. In college in one of my English classes we talked about how nuns cut and cover their hair as a form of hiding their sexuality. I kind of liked cutting my hair short for that reason. I never had a boyfriend and cutting my hair was kind of a way of admitting I didn’t want one at the time (or to suppress the desire for one). My hair is growing out, but I’ve just been pulling it back in a ponytail, which is kind of hiding it. And I’ve kind of had the desire to do a pixy cut again because then I could just ignore it—until it needed to be cut again…

            The clothes I’ve recently bought have been to show off my love of literature, but they also are pretty. But does a bookworm intimidate guys? I do want a guy who can talk literature… And the chances of that happening are?

            Yep, I think I have given up on guys for this time period. Sad, but I’ve had other things to focus on. I do have enough nice clothes and time to make myself look nice, but I guess I’ve just decided that it isn’t worth the time and effort. I’m sure guys are worth the time and effort, but I can’t miss what I never had, right?