This blog is to share ideas and for me to write short stories. Enjoy!

Friday, August 31, 2012

What would you do if you didn't see a soul for 7 days?

            Actually, this has been close to happening a few times. I lived by myself and the shower didn’t work so well, so I avoided leaving the house except for my once a week church and grocery run. Showing only twice a week is pretty tough on a girl. My hair felt so stiff with grease. Uck. I do not want to do that again. I did survive though. And after a few days of not showering and letting my leg hair grow for weeks, I would feel so clean after a shower and shaving my legs.

            So, that’s what I didn’t do to intertain myself. To keep myself busy I cleaned, read, wrote, watched movies, and ate. That is another thing I learned not to take for granted while lived in this place: food. The first few days, I ate one meal a day: a chocolate covered s’more. Even after I bought food, I would not eat too much in one sitting. I had to make this food last for a week or take a dysfunctional shower and go back out. Every morning I had oatmeal for breakfast. I would buy the fruit variety pack to switch things up. Midmorning if I got hungry, I would have fruit. A kiwi, apple, banana, craisins, whatever. Lunch was peanut butter and jelly, maybe with some warmed up frozen vegetables. If I didn’t eat the vegetables for lunch, they would be a mid afternoon snack. Dinner was soup or a microwave dinner. Once I had a frozen pizza.

            I missed food so much when I was there. Maybe it wasn’t so much food as a meal. I wanted my lunches in particular to last longer. I don’t know if I wanted more food, but I wanted to spend more time sitting and relaxing with my food. Dinner it wasn’t such a problem because I would watch a movie while I ate. My DVD collection is beginning to grow, but it wasn’t a big selection. I managed not to watch any of the same movies twice.

            That month spent with very little human contact was like an indoor camping trip. And I guess like most camping trips, it is at times a bit better remembered than it was. Things always go wrong during camping trips, but afterwards it doesn’t seem so bad. Yeah, that was a fun month. I don’t want to do it again though.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Write from the POV of a stack of papers a few inches away from the shredder

            We have been sitting quietly in our pile for months, but now there is this terrible noise! It’s so loud and grating. We can see our neighbors be put into what looks like a trashcan. Doesn’t this person know paper should be recycled? What a waste for us to be thrown into a trash can. We’ll end up in a land fill, covered in coffee grounds, our writing smudged by rain, and surrounded be used tissues and garbage—what a terrible ending! I know this because I’ve read.

            I, in fact, used to be a hand out about recycling. Then I was recycled. That wasn’t a very pleasant process, but I felt proud that the human who read me had learned something; I taught a human! Plus, being recycled, I felt useful. I even thought that I had become something important. I had “vital information” written on me.

            If I were to be recycled again, I would want to become a book. A text book would be nice. A good novel would be better. I cannot imagine being a trash romance novel or a cheap paperback novel though. I shudder to think about such a fate. Would it be better to be thrown out? I guess I have no choice though. Humans, they write all over us and then take us for granted.

            Ah, here is the human picking me up. Yeah, human, read me! See, I contain vital information! I’m worth more than these other throwaway papers! Wait, you’re not looking at me. Look at me! I’m worth keeping!

            There’s that noise again. What is that terrible noise?!

            That’s when I look down and see it. This is not a garbage can. This is a paper shredder. The horror! The horror! No, I can’t be shredded just to be thrown away! I will be separated from myself! I’m too young for this! The tree I came from was only cut down a year ago. Recycle me, human! Please, I beg you! Recycle me! Why don’t you hear me? Listen to me! Recycle me!

            She’s lowering me toward the blades now! No! No! Please, somebody save me!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

What are you silent about?


So I looked up “writing prompts” on Pinterest. . .

I got the same results I almost always do when searching for something on the internet: Not what I wanted. I did find website that isn’t too bad. I’ll look at the later. Anyway, I did remember a prompt from one of college classes, Adolescent Literature. We were reading the book Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. It is a very interestingly written book, I liked it, I might recommend it (depending on who is asking). Anyway, our prompt was “What have you been silent about?”

My thought back then was, Umm, everything? I was an incredibly shy child. My classmates would ask me if I was deaf or dumb. I did not respond. They had class with me; they knew I could talk. If I thought anyone was asking me a question to see if I would respond, I wouldn’t answer. One time, in 8th grade, there were these guys trying to get me to talk (well, maybe they were just being friendly, I think they were offering me gum. But in my mind back then, I was nervous and wasn’t sure). The girl nest to me said, “She’ll talk to me because I’m a girl!” Then she started talking to me. I didn’t respond to her because I was angry at what she had just said. If I hadn’t heard her, I might have responded. Her saying that knowing I could hear her was just mean. I still think that. If you don’t know someone, don’t assume you do.

Yeah, that was my rebellion in my teens, not talking to people if they were only talking to me to see if I would talk. I was a good child. Yep, boring but true.

Anyway, what am I silent about now? Myself. I hide. I have one friend who knows that I want to be an author. She’s the one who I’m writing the book for. Every month or so I’ll send her the chapters I have written with a letter. We both like getting good old fashion snail mail (hear that, any guys reading this. Snail mail is a good way to a girls heart, especially if you are talented at writing. Hand written is the best. If you have some artistic talent, draw something on the page or in the margins. Even if you’re not talented with that sort of thing, I would still love to get it. That shows that you care more about me than trying to be cool or impressive. What can I say, dork/nerd/geek is attractive to me. Adorkable is the best. Well, it might attract me, but it scares me to death).

I think I’ve always been a bit afraid to disappoint people. I’ve definitely disappointed myself. I have a fear of not being good enough. That fear stops me more than anything else. I can play at least 5 instruments (more, depending on how you count), but do you know who hear me practice? I finally got over my family hearing me. Well, I still won’t sing in front of them. And do you know who sees my art work? Not many people, but I’m a little more willing to show that. My art tends to be interesting. I’m not a fan of making it realistic, maybe because I can’t. Instead, I focus a lot on texture. I also play around with color some. Usually, before I even have an idea of what I’m going to paint, I write layers upon layers of whatever. Whatever comes to mind, poems, quotes, how I feel. Everything goes onto that canvas. Then, it all gets covered up.

I guess that kind of describes me too. There’s so much I want to say, that’s in my mind, but I don’t let it out. Well, I’ll let it out here. Here where I’m already going by a pen name. Where probably no one will read it, but at least I can say it’s out there. If you look for it, you’ll find me. You just have to be patient with me.

I have so many friends that are so open now. They are willing to talk about almost anything. I wish I could be like that. I know I could be, I just have to do it. But there’s that fear. I know, I know, I should start out small. My friends are a very safe environment. The thing is, unless it’s a very small group (meaning3-4 people), I get lost in the crowd easily. Yep, in my mind, 5 is a crowd. Even with 3 people, I sometimes don’t say too much because the topic changes too quickly, so that story I had was from 4 topics ago. I have to raise my hand a bit to indicate I have something to say but don’t want to interrupt the person talking. Wow. Could I be any more nerdy? lol.

Anyway, I also tend to be silent about a lot of my beliefs. I just don’t know how to talk about them. Growing up we didn’t really discuss faith. We just went to church every Sunday and Religious Ed. every week and called it good. I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want to evangelize. I have so many opportunities to as well. Every time I walk out that door, there are people and giving an encouraging word or even a smile could make that person’s day. But telling them lovingly about how much God loves them, that could change that persons eternity.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Aug 28, 2012


So, this blog will be where I post daily (I hope! Will definitely try for!) free writing. You know, get that brain working, creative juices flowing, try something new and different. I am planning to look up free writing exercises so I’m not stuck in a rut of my limited creativity. HOWEVER, God is doing a total overhaul on my heart tonight, and I really want to share.

            So, me and my Bible tend to have an on again off again relationship. I’m not proud of it. I claim that I want to read the Bible more, but if it were such a burning desire, I would read it more. I’m trying to get better at it though. And when I do, God speaks to me. A lot of times, I feel like God whispers to me. I cannot count the times I have prayed to God that He would shout at me because then what He is saying might come across more. Not an angry shout, but I loud shout so that I will hear it over whatever is distracting me. I love how gentle God has been to me, but I get really sick when I get stuck by the same things over and over again.

            Anyway, I just read my Bible. I started off in Psalms (always a good place to start or end, but you need more than that). Okay, I should explain how I’m reading my Bible (the joy of free writing: I can go where ever I want because it is a rough draft, that probably will never be fixed. Ever read the article “Sh*tty First Drafts” [http://buddha-rat.squarespace.com/shitty-first-drafts/]? It’s funny and very true. So, yeah. All that to say, if you aren’t following me real well on the free writes, don’t let that discourage you from read more of my work. Hopefully one day I’ll be published. If that happens, you can trust that at least 2 or 3 other people have read my work to make sure it all makes sense. And I’m sure I will have read it enough to have it almost memorized. Hopefully, if I get published you will buy my book(s), love it/them, and recommend it/them to all your friends. Going back to my original train of thought). I have about 5 bookmarks in my Bible. One to keep track of where I am in the Old Testament (Genisus), one in a Wisdom Book (Psalms), one in a Prophetic Book (Jeremiah), and one in the New Testament (John—I’ll go back for Matthew, Mark, and Luke but I really wanted to start in John. It’s been recommended to me to start there.). I kind of pick and choose where I want to read. My goal is to read at least one chapter of all 5 each day, but I’m just getting back into it. Plus, when I read Jeremiah chapter 2, my heart burned. Go, Go read it right now then come back to finish this. Go!

            So, it’s not exactly a happy chapter (see why I told you to go read it first?). But, it totally shows how good God is in our wanderings. Notice how it’s never God who wanders away from us? He is always right there with us, calling our names, tugging on our hearts to turn back towards Him so that we can see His face, know that He is good, and feel His love. All we need to do is turn around, and there God is! It’s not that we have to turn around and run a million miles to get to where He is. He is where you are right now. Have you said hi to God today? Have you told Him He is welcome in all areas of your life and can rearrange things how He wants them?

            I haven’t exactly been the most obedient child lately. I’ve been pretty lazy, afraid, and like that that donkey. God has told me over and over that He is the provider, that He is in control. I knew that, but did I really believe it? Sometimes. I’ll claim that I doubt myself, not God. But really? God made me, and God only makes good things. I’m far from perfect (especially in my wanderings), but God still loves me. Not only does He love me, He is jealous for me! Romans 3:23 definitely describes me. And after Jeremiah 2, I finally feel real repentance for all of that. And it feels so good! It doesn’t seem right that repentance should feel like relief, but it does because I am forgiven.

            God has been SO good to me! I love Him more than anythings!

 

Related things:
I am a Christian (Maya Angelou): http://www.snopes.com/glurge/christian.asp
When I say “I am a Christian (by Carol Wimmer): http://wilk4.com/misc/whenisay.htm