What are you silent about?

So I looked up “writing prompts” on Pinterest. . .

I got the same results I almost always do when searching for something on the internet: Not what I wanted. I did find website that isn’t too bad. I’ll look at the later. Anyway, I did remember a prompt from one of college classes, Adolescent Literature. We were reading the book Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. It is a very interestingly written book, I liked it, I might recommend it (depending on who is asking). Anyway, our prompt was “What have you been silent about?”

My thought back then was, Umm, everything? I was an incredibly shy child. My classmates would ask me if I was deaf or dumb. I did not respond. They had class with me; they knew I could talk. If I thought anyone was asking me a question to see if I would respond, I wouldn’t answer. One time, in 8^th grade, there were these guys trying to get me to talk (well, maybe they were just being friendly, I think they were offering me gum. But in my mind back then, I was nervous and wasn’t sure). The girl nest to me said, “She’ll talk to me because I’m a girl!” Then she started talking to me. I didn’t respond to her because I was angry at what she had just said. If I hadn’t heard her, I might have responded. Her saying that knowing I could hear her was just mean. I still think that. If you don’t know someone, don’t assume you do.

Yeah, that was my rebellion in my teens, not talking to people if they were only talking to me to see if I would talk. I was a good child. Yep, boring but true.

Anyway, what am I silent about now? Myself. I hide. I have one friend who knows that I want to be an author. She’s the one who I’m writing the book for. Every month or so I’ll send her the chapters I have written with a letter. We both like getting good old fashion snail mail (hear that, any guys reading this. Snail mail is a good way to a girls heart, especially if you are talented at writing. Hand written is the best. If you have some artistic talent, draw something on the page or in the margins. Even if you’re not talented with that sort of thing, I would still love to get it. That shows that you care more about me than trying to be cool or impressive. What can I say, dork/nerd/geek is attractive to me. Adorkable is the best. Well, it might attract me, but it scares me to death).

I think I’ve always been a bit afraid to disappoint people. I’ve definitely disappointed myself. I have a fear of not being good enough. That fear stops me more than anything else. I can play at least 5 instruments (more, depending on how you count), but do you know who hear me practice? I finally got over my family hearing me. Well, I still won’t sing in front of them. And do you know who sees my art work? Not many people, but I’m a little more willing to show that. My art tends to be interesting. I’m not a fan of making it realistic, maybe because I can’t. Instead, I focus a lot on texture. I also play around with color some. Usually, before I even have an idea of what I’m going to paint, I write layers upon layers of whatever. Whatever comes to mind, poems, quotes, how I feel. Everything goes onto that canvas. Then, it all gets covered up.

I guess that kind of describes me too. There’s so much I want to say, that’s in my mind, but I don’t let it out. Well, I’ll let it out here. Here where I’m already going by a pen name. Where probably no one will read it, but at least I can say it’s out there. If you look for it, you’ll find me. You just have to be patient with me.

I have so many friends that are so open now. They are willing to talk about almost anything. I wish I could be like that. I know I could be, I just have to do it. But there’s that fear. I know, I know, I should start out small. My friends are a very safe environment. The thing is, unless it’s a very small group (meaning3-4 people), I get lost in the crowd easily. Yep, in my mind, 5 is a crowd. Even with 3 people, I sometimes don’t say too much because the topic changes too quickly, so that story I had was from 4 topics ago. I have to raise my hand a bit to indicate I have something to say but don’t want to interrupt the person talking. Wow. Could I be any more nerdy? lol.

Anyway, I also tend to be silent about a lot of my beliefs. I just don’t know how to talk about them. Growing up we didn’t really discuss faith. We just went to church every Sunday and Religious Ed. every week and called it good. I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want to evangelize. I have so many opportunities to as well. Every time I walk out that door, there are people and giving an encouraging word or even a smile could make that person’s day. But telling them lovingly about how much God loves them, that could change that persons eternity.