This blog is to share ideas and for me to write short stories. Enjoy!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Body (Part 2)

Sorry this one is a long one! I just wanted to be honest and get things out there. "Body" really is a broad topic...
            I don’t know about you, but I’ve heard “my body is a temple” a lot throughout my life. Some in the Christian context “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own” (1 Corinthians 6:19) and others in the “I’m taking care of my body” sense. Well, I feel like my physical body would make quite the rundown temple.
            I’m probably one of those people who others hate if they hear me say I’m not comfortable with my physical appearance. And I’m one of those people who dislikes when thin people say they need to lose weight or whatever. Most people see me as thin to normal, but I see myself as hiding my weight well. I’m 5’3” and probably 140 pounds (I haven’t weighed myself recently, but I know I’ve been gaining weight). Don’t get me wrong, I love my curves, but pants not fitting over my thighs (unless they’re too big in the waist—or they gap in the back but somehow manage to be tightfitting in the front. Grrr) or boots not going easily over my calves is frustrating. One of my friends told me I have feminine legs. I appreciated it, but designers don’t seem to appreciate curvy legs.
            Then there is how I treat my body. It’s dry in Colorado and my skin flakes because I don’t moisturize nearly enough. I guess I just don’t like how much time it takes to put lotion on and then squeeze into pants that don’t slide nicely over the moisture (doesn’t that seem counter intuitive?). At night I’m tired, forgetful, and possibly too cold to spend enough time without clothing on to put lotion on.
            I demand a quite a bit from my body considering I don’t exercise very regularly (though I’m trying to get better at that. I am going to do the Tough Mudder [http://www.youtube.com/user/ToughMudder?v=azQbiz2vm_Q] next year!). The dancing I’ve done in the past has made me stronger, but it has also taken a lot out of my body. When I role my shoulders forward, they pop. Kind of loudly… I’m terrible at pacing myself, so after a hard exercise I’ll not try for a few days. I take a lot, but rarely do I give back.
            And I’m kind of to the point where I wonder how much it matters to try to look nice (which is different than taking care of my body). How many people would really notice if I only had half of the wardrobe that I do have (and I am pretty good about donating clothes I don’t wear often)? My hair is almost always down or in a ponytail, would people really notice if I wore it differently? If I dyed my hair would it matter? People sometimes tell me that they like my outfit or that I look nice/cute, but is it really worth whatever time I do spend on looking that way? I guess you should understand that most of my clothes is hand-me-downs or from Arc Thrift Store (of other cheap thrift stores). I don’t spend money on myself, paint my nails, or have lots of jewelry. I was an independent beauty consultant for three years though, so I like to at least wear some makeup when I leave the house.
            I’m 24 years old and have never been on a date—what am I doing that is so wrong?! People seem to like me, trust me, have fun with me. Are they all lying or am I just not dating material in guys’ minds? And it sucks that a blog about my personal body image goes into this subject. If there are any guys reading this (and you make it this far), what are you looking for in a date/girlfriend? What does “attractive” entail?
            We all go through this. Gender, age (sadly), whatever. At one point or another we all seem to eventually wonder if we’re attractive or think we aren’t. We nitpick about our weight, faces, muscles, build, coloring, etc. I’m sick of! I’m tired of trying to fit into clothing that wasn’t made to fit my body or trying to find clothes that does. Maybe I’ll just wear skirts and dresses from now on (yeah, with the ever present need to behave like a lady in them, even if you’re wearing shorts under). I like clothes, why can’t they like me back?! Maybe one day I’ll learn to sew well enough that I can design my own clothes, even if it’s just for me to wear. Maybe then it would feel like my clothes are a true expression of who I am (other than the girl who doesn’t care enough to spend much money)…
            I’d love to hear what you guys have to say about body image. Seriously, people could write endlessly about the body. Society, media, modesty, trends, body image, different layers of clothing, how it was created to restrain women, pressures we feel, etc. I want to hear what you have to say about all of it! Can modesty be sexy (recently, I feel like people look at me like a naïve nun)? Are there styles that are timeless (and therefore worth investing in)? How do you honestly feel about how you look? Want to rant about clothes not fitting like I did? Write what you want (keeping in mind, let it be something anyone on the internet can read—including young people who I don’t want seeing curse words or adult topics)!

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