Stop warring with yourself

Where have I been these past two months?
At war.
With myself.
          I’m not sure who was winning, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t me.
But I’m happy to say I’m back! I can’t promise that I’ll write every day or even every week, but I’ll try. I cannot tell you how much I’ve missed writing and proofreading. Well, not so much missed it as missed enjoying it. I have a bad habit of sabotaging my dreams. Not this time though. I am determined to continue loving to write and fulfilling a long-time dream of getting published. It’s time I use my voice.
            In person I’m very quiet and reserved. But when I’m writing I can be LOUD! and say whatever I’m thinking. Or at least I can try. That’s what a penname is for, right? To share all my secrets without worrying who knows. No, that’s not really my plan, though I am more open about myself in writing (though I do change some things).
            The Bible study I’m part of has been reading James. Bam. That’s some hard New Testament to swallow at times. But when you do swallow it, it doesn’t become so bitter tasting and you realize how nutritious it is. Well, I’m working on it. I don’t exactly have a Christian best friend I feel totally comfortable confessing my sins to and being accountability partners with (though I do want one and definitely suggest it!), I am meeting with a friend tomorrow to talk to and get some advice from. Who knows, maybe I will end up saying more than I plan and having a breakdown at the ice-cream place where we’re meeting… (biting lip) For good or bad, I’m not good at crying in front of people, so I think I’ll be fine. But maybe a breakdown is what I need.
            Anyway, I just wanted to encourage anyone who is reading this to watch what you think about yourself. In an ideal world, I’d be too busy thinking about God and the people He loves (i.e. everyone!) to think about myself so much. But, alas! I live in a world where I have problems to work through and wrong thinking to get rid of. The good news? I don’t have to do it alone. God is with me every step of the way and He has put some super amazing people in my life who will help me when I ask. The scary part is surrendering and asking. It’ll be worth it though.